THE MYTH OF REASONABLENESS IN RELATIONSHIP

Cay's Story

Years ago, a client of mine took a temporary job that placed her in the company of a man she had once been engaged to marry. Ry was powerful, attractive, sensual, and obsessive. Cay had broken off their engagement when Ry’s behavior had become suffocating and exhausting. He had not exactly stalked her afterward, but he had made it clear that he was not giving up on her. She had stayed clear of him for a year and felt safe that of her life was behind her and that they had both moved on. When
her boss placed her on assignment in Ry’s company, Cay had the option of refusing the placement, but she didn’t really think that was necessary, even though she had a dragging feeling in the pit of her stomach. Whenever doubts occurred, she would argue with herself in a bracing way and insist to herself that they would merely have a professional relationship.



Yet it was soon apparent that the chemistry between them was far from gone. Whenever they were together, there was a charge in the room like ozone in the air before a lightning storm. Cay
noticed people glancing back and forth between them, assessing the drama beneath the surface. At that point, she began to experience a division in herself. (When you feel divided, split down the
middle, or awash with feelings that don’t match your thoughts, it can be a sign that brilliant sanity is battling with the prerecorded message to be reasonable.)

Cay felt depressed and tired, physically dragged down, and she was having difficulty concentrating. But she was also feeling flattered by Ry’s attentions. He was the dominant male in their work environment, the big boss, and he was attractive and dynamic. She felt feminine and desirable under the hot spotlight of his attraction. Cay spent more time talking with herself, arguing with some deeper awareness, and insisting that it was a manageable situation. Because she was arguing with her own core of wisdom, she began to feel confused. Perhaps, she wondered, she had made a mistake to break off their engagement—after all, Ry clearly still passionately cared for her after all this time. It was
also clear that many women at the company found him extremely attractive and would have loved to be the object of his attention.

Whenever she tried to reason out the situation, instead of arriving at a logical conclusion, her thoughts took her in a circle, like an amusement park ride, and left her disoriented and fatigued.

But the brilliant sanity inside us is never extinguished, no matter how we refute it or confuse ourselves. It crops up in feelings, thoughts, coincidences, and dreams. In the midst of her situation,
Cay began to have startling nightmares. In one dream, some thugs held her hostage and forced her to build a box of some kind. With growing horror, she realized that she was actually building a coffin, and that it was her own coffin! When she completed the task, the men dragged her outside, gave her a shovel, and ordered her to dig. Shaking with fear, she realized she was digging her own grave. At that point, she woke up with a start.

Let’s consider this dream together. It is easy to see that something is wrong. Cay felt that the dream might have had to do with her dislike of her work because it was boring and didn’t provide her with an opportunity to grow. But instinctively, as we explored it, both Cay and I sensed that the drama of her dream was so intense that this explanation didn’t account for the horror presented. Building your own coffin is a step-by-step process, as is digging your own grave: both images hint at a progressive
movement toward a grim result. In addition, the larger plot of being held captive by thugs seems to suggest an overall lack of freedom or being controlled by others.

When Cay and I discussed the sense of feeling controlled and being a captive, she inevitably thought of the situation with Ry, partly because he had been very controlling in their former relationship, and partly because her present situation affected her in so many different ways that she was essentially paralyzed by it.

Each day she spent working there made her feel less like herself and more mesmerized and confused.
Was Ry ultimately planning to murder her? Well, that is certainly possible, but she did not feel that that was likely or that such a warning was the essential meaning of her dream. She did feel, however, that the dream was showing her the evolution of her current strategy of reasonableness and going with the flow, against what she knew deep down to be true for her: this man, their chemistry,
and the situation at his company were not good for her.

Unlike our tendency to complicate situations, dreams try to simplify them for us. Certain things and people in life make us feel more alive and nourish us, the way sunshine, water, and fresh air nourish plants. Other things and people make us feel less alive, drain our vitality, destroy our confidence, and muddle our mind. The wisdom at your core is basic: it warns you of situations that are poisonous to your vitality, to your spark, by essentially saying, “That road leads to being less alive!”

No More Crazy Love

Cay lost no time extricating herself from her assignment, and she made it clear to Ryan that the past was long over. Surprisingly, after a brief flurry of attempts to contact her, he gave up and left her alone. She also learned something about her inner wisdom that has altered the way she approaches romantic relationships in general. Cay has a compass inside that points toward what makes her happy, what gives her energy, what restores her faith and joy  in life. She has never again engaged in what she calls crazy love, that enticing alchemy of sexual energy that comes with unhealthy strings attached. She trusts her dreams and her instincts to warn her of missteps early on, and although she is not sure if she ultimately wishes to marry or not, she has rewarding, genuinely loving relationships that are fulfilling and passionate, that don’t hold her back or make her feel small. Perhaps most important, Cay feels connected with her ability to know what is true for her and to make choices based on that awareness. She feels connected with her core of wisdom, and she trusts herself.




If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;) 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
ISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.